But I don’t want a self-help book marriage, or a Dr. Phil-type marriage, or even a Pinterest marriage.

I want a celestial marriage. A marriage that lasts from now until forever, even after we die. A marriage that is strong and stable, and can weather the challenges of life. A marriage that is happy.

I learned about a celestial marriage not from books, or teachers, or from the media, but from watching two people who had a happy, celestial marriage. My parents taught me by their example, and I’ve had plenty of time to observe them.

These are nine lessons I learned from their example:

1. Respect Each Other No Matter What

I saw my parents respect each other every day. They didn’t talk down to each other. They didn’t demean each other’s ideas or opinions. They valued what the other person contributed to the family.

2. Work Together—and Sometimes Separately

Countless times, I saw my parents work side by side making dinner, doing yard work, cleaning the house, planning the finances, and numerous other tasks. I also saw my dad go to work every day, and my mom stay home and do things like laundry and take care of us. I learned that marriage is a partnership, and sometimes it means I’ll do things together with my husband and other times we’ll do different, but equally important, things.

3. Husbands should preside

From my dad, I learned that husbands should preside. He organized our family prayer and scripture study, and took the lead in family meetings. When he was gone, my mom organized these things. I learned that both fathers and mothers are the spiritual leaders in the home, and that fathers should lead out and preside.

4. Get an Education

From my mom, I learned that I needed an education. I knew she had gone to college, and watched as she took continuing education classes, read books, and learned from people in the community. My parents taught me that education is important to provide financially for myself and my family, if needed, as well as to better teach my children.

5. Together, Make Decisions Prayerfully

I watched my parents make important decisions, and even not-so-important decisions, very carefully. They worked together to make the best decision possible, and always made their decisions a matter of prayer.

6. Go to the Temple Often

I don’t remember my parents ever telling this to us outright, but I do remember them going to the temple almost every month of my growing up years. It was a priority for them. Through their example, I learned the importance of temple attendance for strengthening a marriage.

7. Support Each Other in Church Responsibilities

In The Church of Jesus Christ, the work of the ward, or congregation, is carried out by the members. Members accept various callings, or responsibilities, to serve in their wards. I watched as my parents both accepted various callings, and supported each other. My mom supported my dad when he was in a leadership position that took him away from home more. My dad supported my mom when she was asked to organize a choir.

8. Teach your children the gospel of Jesus Christ together

Both of my parents taught us about the gospel. As kids, we needed both of their perspectives and formal lessons about religion. From their example, I learned that neither the husband nor the wife is solely responsible for teaching their children the gospel; it’s a team effort.

9. Never forget you love each other

When I was really young, my dad would leave sticky notes around our house for my mom. On the bathroom mirror, in the kitchen, by the phone. He was always reminding her that he loved her. Now, I see my parents interact, and I can tell that they love each other, and that they remember it. They do nice things for each other. They say, “I love you.” And they tell us, their kids, that they’re happy they got married.

Marriage Brings Stability

When I was growing up, I never thought about my parents’ marriage; I took for granted that they were married and committed to staying that way. Now I see that the very fact that they were married and committed made our childhood incredibly stable. We never had to worry that our parents were fighting, or that they would divorce, or do anything else to break up our family.

As I wrote this article, I realized that 90-percent of what I knew about marriage I had learned from my parents’ example. Sunday School, Young Women, and Institute taught me valuable lessons about marriage, ones that I cherish very much.

However, actions speak louder than words, and the actions of my parents always spoke much louder than any words they or a teacher could ever have uttered. I hope to one day have a marriage like theirs, and teach my children through example what a happy, successful marriage should be.

I saw that sparkle, that light, in the eyes of many people during my mission as they followed the teachings of Jesus Christ. James is one of those people. We first met James when he was in a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center. His eyes were clouded and unfocused, he had difficulty reading the small print in the scriptures, and he was battling addiction to drugs and alcohol. In the first lesson, my companion and I taught James about the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, the Prophet Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon, prayer, and the Holy Ghost. James prayed with us and he immediately felt the Holy Ghost testifying to him that the message we had shared was true. My companion and I visited James once or twice a week for the next month until we were transferred from the area. Close to the end of that time, James told us that it was easier for him to read the words in the Book of Mormon. James was also finding it much easier to combat the cravings for drugs and alcohol. After we left, James continued to study the scriptures and pray often, as well as attend Mormon church meetings. Four months after I left the area, it was time for me to complete my mission. Before I came home, I went to visit James. The first thing I noticed when I saw James was the sparkle in his eyes. James was happy. I’ve often heard that the eyes are the window to the soul, but until that moment I didn’t believe that statement. The expression in James’s eyes was clear, focused, bright, and full of joy and hope. I immediately knew that James was still doing all he could to follow Jesus Christ because his eyes were “sparkling.”

James and I are not the only people who have experienced the enlightening and joy-filling power of the Holy Ghost. Millions of people around the world have been blessed by the influence of the Holy Ghost, which has testified to them of the truth of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ as taught by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the Mormon Church). I know that as we truly seek to follow Christ, we will be blessed with the fruits of the Spirit. I also know that the Book of Mormon, as well as the Bible, is the word of God and invites all men to believe in Jesus Christ and obey His teachings. I know that when we follow the gospel of Jesus Christ, we will be happier than if we don’t follow the gospel. The message of the gospel is one of joy and gladness. The Prophet Joseph Smith wrote, “Now, what do we hear in the gospel which we have received? A voice of gladness! . . . Glad tidings of great joy.” How did serving a Mormon mission bless me and those I served? We were blessed with happiness, joy, and gladness (some of the fruits of the Holy Ghost) when we followed the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is often identified as the Mormon or LDS Church. LDS, in this case, is an acronym for Latter-day Saints, a part of the official name of the LDS Church. When religious bodies use similar names to identify themselves, such as FLDS and LDS, there may be and often is some confusion about the relationship between them.

Just as there are many Christian denominations which believe that Jesus of Nazareth was the long anticipated Jewish Messiah and the Savior of the world, yet disagree upon other significant doctrinal points, including the nature and composition of the Bible, there are individuals and groups who accept the message of the Restoration (the calling of Joseph Smith as a prophet and coming forth of additional scripture, including the Book of Mormon) yet disagree on some rather key doctrines, policies, and practices.

From the earliest period in Mormon history (1830-60) there have been dissenters, some of whom created separate religious communities. Over time, these groups have evolved and, in many cases, they have created a unique theology and history in marked contrast to that of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church). In this sense, these dissenters are very much like the first Protestants who were separated from the Holy Roman Apostolic Church, or Catholic Church, when they rejected the authority of the Pope and created alternative Christianities.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS) is one such group, an independent community with no official relationship to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS). Most of their members have never been members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS, or Mormon Church). The only connection between the churches is that each shares a common historical past within the nineteenth century. FLDS beliefs, practices, and polices have become so distinct and unique that it is not helpful to compare and contrast them with those of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, just as it would be impossible to compare the Baptist Church with the Catholic Church, even though they share a common belief in Jesus Christ and the Bible.

Latter-day Saint (LDS) leaders categorically reject FLDS beliefs and practices about polygamy, priesthood succession, and following and sustaining civil law. Therefore, any Latter-day Saint who supports FLDS doctrines or practices is subject to LDS Church discipline, generally including excommunication. Like most other Americans, Latter-day Saints struggle to understand the religious motives and activities of this fundamentalist group because their practice and beliefs are just as foreign from their everyday experiences as they are from most other Christian denominations. Because of the major differences in doctrine, practice and history, Latter-day Saints are concerned when the media or others attempt to link the churches together.

Latter-day Saints support religious pluralism. One of the Church of Jesus Christ’s Articles of Faith states, “We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, and what they may” (Articles of Faith, 11). Latter-day Saints therefore, allow people the right to join any religious body they choose. However, another Article of Faith states, “We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law” (Articles of Faith, 12). Therefore, the Church of Jesus Christ (LDS Church) teaches its members that they should support the constitutional laws of the land and believe that the government has the right to enforce laws that protect children and other vulnerable members of society. Like many other people of good will, Latter-day Saints are sympathetic to the plight of the children and women of the FLDS Church and hope that they might be in a position to enjoy life without fear of abuse and with the full freedom to associate or disassociate from any religious body at any time they feel so inclined.

The Mormon Church operates through a lay priesthood model with a few exceptions. Church officers call members to serve in a leadership position without compensation for a specific period of time and without any special training or degrees. These members continue their employment and serve in the Mormon Church while not working. These individuals accept callings and do so as part of their commitment to the Jesus Christ, knowing that at some point they will be released from their leadership role and that another local member will be called to take their position. One day a person can serve as a bishop (a leader in a local unit) and the next day be released and called to teach children.

However, a small number of Mormon Church leaders who are called to full-time service receive a “living allowance.” They did not obtain any special training or degrees and did not apply for a position. When called by Mormon Church officers they leave their full-time employment and generally move to a new location to fulfill their new assignment as directed by their leaders. Those called to full-time service include about 350 mission presidents, who serve for a three-year period and, about 100 General Authorities, who serve full-time from Mormon Church headquarters for various lengths of time. Of this last group, fifteen prophets, seers, and revelators serve until they die. Some General Authorities are independently well-off financially and do not need an allowance. The current practice of providing an allowance to a limited number of individuals for a specific period allows the Church to call people from a larger pool than those who are well-off financially. Once mission presidents and some General Authorities are released from their callings, they return to their employment or move wherever they choose. Upon their return, they are often called to serve as lay leaders in the local Mormon Church organization.

Money for living allowances comes from the income produced by businesses in which the Mormon Church has an ownership interest. To this point, at least, tithing has not been used for this purpose. The amount of mission presidents’ stipends depends on needs and circumstances (missions in New York City and London are more expensive than other places). Interestingly, all General Authorities receive the same allowance: the President of the Mormon Church receives the same as a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy. That said, there is a little extra for the few who have dependent children (x dollars per child). The living allowance is intended to permit a comfortable but modest lifestyle.

The Church’s living-allowance model is based on various scriptural references to “the laborer being worthy of his hire,” a principle that applies both to spiritual and temporal matters (see Doctrine and Covenants 24:3, 7,9; 41:7; and 42:70-73).

Additional Scriptures

D&C 106:3

And devote his whole time to this high and holy calling, which I now give unto him, seeking diligently the kingdom of heaven and its righteousness, and all things necessary shall be added thereunto; for the laborer is worthy of his hire.

Mosiah 18: 26

And the priests were not to depend upon the people for their support; but for their labor they were to receive the grace of God, that they might wax strong in the Spirit, having the knowledge of God, that they might teach with power and authority from God.