Traditional marriage has a foundation thousands and thousands of years in the making. Same-sex marriage is still in the experimental stage.  If as a society we succumb to the rhetoric that traditional marriage supporters are anti-gay, bigoted and hateful, we turn our backs on the fundamental, rational reasoning that has held societies and nations together for millennia—as well as the democratic ideals upon which our country was founded. The family is the fundamental unit of society. Not just any family unit, but the family unit that provides a stable and protective foundation to bring children into the world. It is our responsibility as adults—the ones who are supposed to protect children—to make the world a better place for future generations. The reality is that the fight to protect traditional marriage is just that: A fight to protect the definition, sanctity and importance of marriage between a man and a woman.

Opposition to Same-Sex Marriage Isn’t Bigotry

Defenders of traditional marriage often do so based on their religious beliefs as well as their experience with families. A 53-page so-called “friend-of-the-court” brief filed with the 10th Circuit Court by five religious organizations, including The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes inadvertently called the Mormon Church), said:

Faith communities like ours are among the essential pillars of this Nation’s marriage culture. With our teachings, rituals, traditions, and ministries, we sustain and nourish both individual marriages and a culture that makes enduring marriages possible. We have the deepest interest in strengthening the time-honored institution of husband-wife marriage because of our religious beliefs and also because of the benefits it provides to children, families, and society. Our practical experience in this area is unequaled. In millions of ministry settings each day we see the benefits that married mother-father parenting brings to children. And we deal daily with the devastating effects of out-of-wedlock births, failed marriages, and the general decline of the venerable husband-wife marriage institution.

Religious leaders shepherd their flocks through times of trial—and see firsthand the devastating effect of the breakdown of the family. They are uniquely qualified to answer the questions of why the traditional family unit is so important. The brief continues:

In truth, we support the husband-wife definition of marriage because we believe it is right and good for children, families and society. Our respective faith traditions teach us that truth. But so do reason, long experience and social fact. … Faith communities and religious organizations have a long history of upholding traditional marriage for reasons that have nothing to do with homosexuality. Their support for husband-wife marriage precedes by centuries the very idea of same-sex marriage.

For The Church of Jesus Christ and other religious organizations, support for traditional marriage stems from their belief in God and in His commandments. Elder Dallin H. Oaks, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (with the First Presidency, the governing body of The Church of Jesus Christ), said:

Man’s laws cannot make moral what God has declared immoral. … Laws legalizing so-called “same-sex marriage” do not change God’s law of marriage or His commandments and our standards concerning it.

People of faith believe that we are here on earth as part of God’s divine plan for His children—because we are all literal spirit children of our Father in Heaven. Elder Oaks explained:

For Latter-day Saints, God’s commandments are based on and inseparable from God’s plan for His children—the great plan of salvation. This plan, … explains our origin and destiny as children of God—where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going. The plan of salvation explains the purpose of creation and the conditions of mortality, including God’s commandments, the need for a Savior, and the vital role of mortal and eternal families. … Our theology begins with heavenly parents, and our highest aspiration is to attain the fulness of eternal exaltation. We know this is possible only in a family relationship. We know that the marriage of a man and a woman is necessary for the accomplishment of God’s plan. Only this marriage will provide the approved setting for mortal birth and to prepare family members for eternal life. We look on marriage and the bearing and nurturing of children as part of God’s plan and a sacred duty of those given the opportunity to do so. We believe that the ultimate treasures on earth and in heaven are our children and our posterity.

Because marriage and children are central components of this plan, believers feel obligated to defend traditional marriage for the sake of children. Elder M. Russell Ballard, an Apostle of Jesus Christ, explained:

Church leaders have the responsibility to speak out on moral issues and to counsel individuals and families. The family is the basic unit of society; it is the basic unit of eternity. Thus, when forces threaten the family, Church leaders must respond.

The family is at the heart of Heavenly Father’s plan because we are all part of His family and because mortality is our opportunity to form our own families and to assume the role of parents. It is within our families that we learn unconditional love, which can come to us and draw us very close to God’s love. It is within families that values are taught and character is built. Father and mother are callings from which we will never be released, and there is no more important stewardship than the responsibility we have for God’s spirit children who come into our families.

Elder Neil L. Andersen, an Apostle of Jesus Christ, said:

While many governments and well-meaning individuals have redefined marriage, the Lord has not. In the very beginning, God initiated marriage between a man and a woman—Adam and Eve. He designated the purposes of marriage to go far beyond the personal satisfaction and fulfillment of adults to, more importantly, advancing the ideal setting for children to be born, reared, and nurtured. Families are the treasure of heaven.

Why do we continue to talk about this? As Paul said, “We look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen.” As Apostles of the Lord Jesus Christ, we have the responsibility to teach our Creator’s plan for His children and to warn of the consequences of disregarding His commandments.

The Nuclear Family is the Fabric of Human Society

The traditional, or nuclear, family is the fabric that holds society together. The marriage covenant regulates the use of the procreative powers—the ability for a man and a woman to create life—and provides a stable foundation for bringing children into the world. It binds husbands and wives to each other, and the children to their parents. From the beginning, our first parents Adam and Eve were married and commanded to have children. In that order. Their commitment to each other provided the framework into which their children were born, nurtured and taught. They formed the first family on the earth, setting the example for generations to follow and teaching their children the ways of God.  The 2012 State of Our Unions report explained:

Throughout history, marriage has first and foremost been an institution for procreation and raising children. It has provided the cultural tie that seeks to connect the father to his children by binding him to the mother of his children. …

There is now ample evidence that stable and satisfactory marriages are crucial for the well-being of adults. Yet such marriages are even more important for the proper socialization and overall well-being of children. A central purpose of the institution of marriage is to ensure the responsible and long-term involvement of both biological parents in the difficult and time-consuming task of raising the next generation.

Children need both biological parents because mothers and fathers have complementary roles. Husbands are the protectors and providers and mothers are the caregivers and nurturers. Elder Russell M. Nelson, an Apostle of Jesus Christ, taught:

… Parenting is a joint venture. The father exercises his leadership with light and love, never in any degree of unrighteousness. The mother provides the intuition, the inspiration, and the nurture that come from her so naturally.

The late Elder James E. Faust, until his death, an Apostle of Jesus Christ, explained:

For centuries the family was the bedrock of this and many other nations. It was the glue that held society together. Now many families are in trouble, and the glue is coming unstuck. As a result, many children are bewildered: they are growing physically but lack the support system, the disciplined moral framework, and the love and understanding that a strong family can provide.

It is in a home and with a family that values are usually acquired, traditions are fostered, and commitments to others are established. There are really no adequate substitutes. Church, school, and government programs can only reinforce and supplement that which is acquired at home. …

Alternatives to the legal and loving marriage between a man and a woman are helping to unravel the fabric of human society. That fabric, of course, is the family. These so-called alternative life-styles cannot be accepted as right because they frustrate God’s commandment for a life-giving union of male and female within a legal marriage (see Genesis 1:28). If practiced by all adults, these life-styles would mean the end of family.

Traditional marriage is the fabric that holds human society together because it is here where we are taught our values, morals and fundamental beliefs. President Gordon B. Hinckley, until his death, the prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ, taught:

A nation will rise no higher than the strength of its homes. If you want to reform a nation, you begin with families, with parents who teach their children principles and values that are positive and affirmative and will lead them to worthwhile endeavors. That is the basic failure that has taken place in America. And we are making a tremendous effort to bring about greater solidarity in families. Parents have no greater responsibility in this world than the bringing up of their children in the right way, and they will have no greater satisfaction as the years pass than to see those children grow in integrity and honesty and make something of their lives.

Redefining marriage would reform America’s homes by weakening the foundation upon which they are built. And if a nation will rise no higher than the strength of its homes, we owe it to ourselves to strengthen our homes, defend our families and protect the sanctity of our marriages. Marriage does matter—and it matters how it is defined. Why does traditional marriage deserve a protected status in our society? Because it is the only union capable of producing offspring—and it is the children, not the adults, who need to be protected.

Marriage Between a Man & Woman is Good Public Policy

In addition to benefiting children, traditional marriage, frankly, is good public policy. It is economically beneficial for both spouses, and it eases the economic burden on society when both parents work together to provide for their children. The 2012 Report State of Our Unions found:

The institution of marriage itself provides a wealth-generation bonus. It does this through providing economies of scale (two can live more cheaply than one), and as implicitly a long-term personal contract it encourages economic specialization. Working as a couple, individuals can develop those skills in which they excel, leaving others to their spouse. Also, married couples save and invest more for the future, and they can act as a small insurance pool against life uncertainties such as illness and job loss. …

Beyond the economic advantages of marriage for the married couples themselves, marriage has a tremendous economic impact on society. … Research has consistently shown that divorce and unmarried childbearing increase child poverty. In recent years the majority of children who grow up outside of married families have experienced at least one year of dire poverty…. The rise in child poverty, of course, generates significant public costs in health and welfare programs.

Marriages that end in divorce also are very costly to the public. One researcher determined that a single divorce costs state and federal governments about $30,000, based on such factors as the increased use of food stamps and public housing as well as increased bankruptcies and juvenile delinquency. The nation’s 1.4 million divorces in 2002 are estimated to have cost the taxpayers more than $30 billion.

Traditional marriage binds husbands and wives to their children, providing a stable foundation to bring children into the world. The financial costs alone of the breakdown of the family are staggering. Elder Oaks said:

Few measures of the welfare of our rising generation are more disturbing than the recent report that 41 percent of all births in the United States were to women who were not married. Unmarried mothers have massive challenges, and the evidence is clear that their children are at a significant disadvantage when compared with children raised by married parents. …

We should assume the same disadvantages for children raised by couples of the same gender. The social science literature is controversial and politically charged on the long-term effect of this on children, principally because, as a New York Times writer observed, “same-sex marriage is a social experiment, and like most experiments it will take time to understand its consequences.”

These are all very compelling reasons for the courts to uphold the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman. As eager as the courts seem to be to break new ground on the marriage front, they owe it to the nation as well as to future generations to slow down and really listen to those who are on the front-lines of the marriage culture—religious leaders who are dealing with the aftermath of the breakdown of the family.

Traditional Marriage is Different and Deserves Protection

The government’s role is to protect the common good. History has proven that this is best done by preserving and protecting traditional marriage and the family unit. The amicus brief concluded:

Marriage, understood as the union of one man and one woman, remains a vital and foundational institution of civil society. The government’s interests in continuing to encourage and support marriage are not merely legitimate but compelling. No other institution joins together two persons with the natural ability to create children for the purpose of maximizing the welfare of such children. No other institution strives to ensure that children have the opportunity of feeling a sense of security and being raised in a stable household by the mother and father who conceived them.  Undermining the husband-wife marital institution by redefining it to include same-sex couples will, in the long term, harm vital child-welfare interests that only the husband-wife definition can secure. The result will be more mothers and fathers concluding that the highest end of marriage is not the welfare of their children but the advancement of their own life choices. We know, from personal experience over numerous decades of ministering to families and children, that more focus on satisfying adult needs will not benefit vulnerable children. The societal ills caused by the deterioration of husband-wife marriage will only be aggravated if the State cannot reserve to marriage its historic and socially vital meaning.

Traditional marriage deserves protection and its own unique status because it is different. Traditional marriage has a power that no other relationship does. It was ordained of God from the beginning of the world. Elder Boyd K. Packer, an Apostle of Jesus Christ, taught:

I have seen and heard, as you have seen and heard, the signals all about us, carefully orchestrated to convince us that marriage is out of date and in the way. … Marriage is the shelter where families are created. That society which puts low value on marriage sows the wind and, in time, will reap the whirlwind—and thereafter, unless they repent, bring upon themselves a holocaust!

The same warning applies to those who would make a mockery of marriage in same-sex unions. Elder Packer also warned:

There are both moral and physical laws “irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world” that cannot be changed. History demonstrates over and over again that moral standards cannot be changed by battle and cannot be changed by ballot. To legalize that which is basically wrong or evil will not prevent the pain and penalties that will follow as surely as night follows day.

Opposition to same-sex marriage isn’t based on bigotry—it’s based on belief in God, His commandments and His plan for His children. It’s based on a fundamental desire to preserve and protect the family and its place as the foundational unit of society. Those who would redefine marriage to include same-sex unions would replace the strength of the family with a counterfeit replica.

In a way, being a Mormon prepares you to deal with science fiction, because we live simultaneously in two very different cultures. The result is that we all know what it’s like to be strangers in a strange land. It’s not just a coincidence that there are so many effective Mormon science fiction writers. We don’t regard being an alien as an alien experience. But it also means that we’re not surprised when people don’t understand what we’re saying or what we think. It’s easy to misinterpret us. [1]

As a Latter-day Saint myself, I love this perspective. But in a way, I think it’s true for everyone. At some point in our lives, we’ll feel like the alien—and at another point, we’ll feel like the earthling encountering the alien. From my own perspective as an earthling and a Latter-day Saint, here are 5 universal truths we learn from alien encounters—literal and figurative ones.Don’t blast off too soon—or jump to conclusions.

1. Don’t blast off too soon—or jump to conclusions

During the countdown to any blastoff, the rocket is not launched until the countdown is finished. This gives everyone time to prepare. Too many misunderstandings and arguments occur because someone jumped to conclusions—or didn’t wait for the countdown to finish. In “Ender’s Game,” an entire insectoid alien species is almost wiped out because of a misunderstanding. The two sides didn’t stop to figure out what was really going on.

In our own lives, the fate of a species is rarely at stake—but our relationships with family, friends and strangers often are. Elder Dallin H. Oaks, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles—with the First Presidency, the governing body of The Church of Jesus Christ—said:

We should, if possible, refrain from judging until we have adequate knowledge of the facts. … Someone has said that you cannot slice cheese so fine that it doesn’t have two sides. [2]

Elder M. Russell Ballard, an Apostle of Jesus Christ, said:

Perceptions and assumptions can be very dangerous and unfair. … Surely good neighbors should put forth every effort to understand each other and to be kind to one another regardless of religion, nationality, race, or culture. [3]

2. Put yourself in the alien’s shoes

Once we stop and refrain from jumping to conclusions, it’s helpful to put ourselves in the alien’s shoes. The plot line for the movie “Chicken Little” is a great example of this. A little alien gets left on earth by accident, and everybody freaks out when they see him. Then Chicken Little and his friends realize that this little guy is afraid. He’s a stranger in a strange land, where nothing is familiar and nobody looks like him. And the aliens trying to destroy the world? They’re just his parents, frantically trying to find their lost kid. And let’s face it, even the most careful parents have had that moment of panic when they realize their child was right beside them but now is gone. Even if your kid is just in the next aisle over, it’s still scary. I’ve also seen the terrified look in my son’s eyes when he couldn’t find me because he’d wandered off. If we step back and look at things from the alien’s perspective, we sometimes find that things aren’t really what they seem.

This insight and understanding leads to compassion and empathy—and reaching out to those around us. President Thomas S. Monson, the president of The Church of Jesus Christ, said:

There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere.

Needed is the charity which refuses to find satisfaction in hearing or in repeating the reports of misfortunes that come to others, unless by so doing, the unfortunate one may be benefited. The American educator and politician Horace Mann once said, “To pity distress is but human; to relieve it is godlike.”

Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others. [4]

3. True friendship can build bridges between worlds
   

In many a science fiction story, extraterrestrial creatures and humans look very different. Sometimes they act differently too. Interplanetary visitors are truly strangers in a strange land. But underneath it all, we just might find out that we’re more alike than we think. “Star Wars” is hands down my favorite sci-fi series—and one of the plotlines illustrates this perfectly. Luke Skywalker is a Jedi Knight—one of the good guys. And his arch enemy is Darth Vader—and evil Sith. Luke hates Darth Vader and sets out to destroy him because he was told that the Sith lord killed his father. He could find no similarities between them. But then Vader uttered that famous phrase: “Luke, I am your father.” There is so much more to the plot than this, but the analogy is the same: even with our most hated enemies, we have more in common than we think. Luke and Vader had the same blood running through their veins. And because of this, Luke refused to give up on his father—building on the commonalities between them.  Luke saw the good in Vader even as he recognized his father’s wicked ways. Of course it’s an extreme example, but one worth noting: Sometimes our differences are so glaring that we can’t see the similarities—and sometimes we’re so focused on our differences that we can’t see our glaring similarities.

The Savior teaches this same lesson of seeing past our differences in the parable of the Good Samaritan. In it, a Jewish man is beaten, robbed and left for dead on a highway. Two religious men pass him by without helping. Then a Samaritan stops and renders aid to the injured man. (See Luke 10:25–37.) Of this, Elder Ballard said:

Every time I read this parable I am impressed with its power and its simplicity. But have you ever wondered why the Savior chose to make the hero of this story a Samaritan? There was considerable antipathy between the Jews and the Samaritans at the time of Christ. Under normal circumstances, these two groups avoided association with each other.

His deliberate use of Jews and Samaritans clearly teaches that we are all neighbors and that we should love, esteem, respect, and serve one another despite our deepest differences—including religious, political, and cultural differences. …If we are truly disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, we will reach out with love and understanding to all of our neighbors at all times, particularly in times of need. [3]

True friendships are based on the commonalities we all share—and not on the differences we all have. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf (the second counselor in the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ) has a recipe for family success that is just as applicable to friendships—intergalactic or just between humans. He said:

In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time. Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home. We talk with, rather than about, each other. We learn from each other, and we appreciate our differences as well as our commonalities. [5]

4. Working together for the common good makes the universe go round

If there’s one thing we learn from science fiction and alien encounters, it’s this—one person can make a difference, but everyone must work together to make the universe a better place. Whether it’s protecting a planet from destruction or another species from annihilation, we all have to work together to get it done. Sometimes that requires us to lay aside our deepest differences. In “Star Trek: The Next Generation,” the crew of the Enterprise is intergalactically diverse—with humans, Klingons, Androids and other species working together to help others. The crew must work together to complete their assignments—each individual plays a crucial role in the execution of the task.

Elder Ballard offers an earth-life example of this:

Honeybees are driven to pollinate, gather nectar, and condense the nectar into honey. It is their magnificent obsession imprinted into their genetic makeup by our Creator. It is estimated that to produce just one pound (0.45 kg) of honey, the average hive of 20,000 to 60,000 bees must collectively visit millions of flowers and travel the equivalent of two times around the world. Over its short lifetime of just a few weeks to four months, a single honeybee’s contribution of honey to its hive is a mere one-twelfth of one teaspoon.

Though seemingly insignificant when compared to the total, each bee’s one-twelfth of a teaspoon of honey is vital to the life of the hive. The bees depend on each other. Work that would be overwhelming for a few bees to do becomes lighter because all of the bees faithfully do their part. [6]

The same applies to us as humans—when we all do our part and work together, we can accomplish much good.

5. Aliens and Androids can help us remember what it means to be human

Data is one of my favorite characters on “Star Trek: The Next Generation.” He is an Android who, akin to Pinocchio, desperately wants to be a “real boy.” He wants to have a human experience—even though he’s made of electronic parts. Seeing things through the lens of Data’s innocence really brings focus on our human experiences. Humans laugh. We love. We cry—out of grief, sadness, joy or pain. Sometimes we cry just because. We get angry and frustrated. We have a full range of emotions, and we often see things through the lens of our experience. Data, for the most part, feels none of these emotions, and often has difficulty understanding them. As Data often offers analytical observations of situations, we can see how humans filter their experiences through their emotions. It helps us see that sometimes we need to take away our emotional filters. And sometimes we just need to enjoy them. The greatest lesson that Data teaches me is to enjoy my humanity.
Enjoy my full range of emotions and experiences. Because without them, life wouldn’t be as much fun.

We can find happiness in the simple joys of life. We don’t need everything—just the full range of human emotions to have a rich and meaningful life… no matter which planet we live on. Elder Richard G. Scott said:

Children teach us how to find joy even under the most challenging circumstances. Children haven’t yet learned to be depressed by concentrating on the things they don’t have. They find joy in what is available to them. I remember a small boy playing along a riverbank. He had tied a piece of fishing line to the ends of two discarded soft-drink cans. He threw one can over a limb, then filled it with water. He would pull on the other can, then let it go. The weight of the first can would draw the second one up as it fell. He laughed and danced with glee. Simple, rejuvenating experiences surround us. [7]

It’s amazing the things that we can learn from extraterrestrial encounters—even an imaginary ones. Life lessons are all around us… we just need to look for them.

Elizabeth Smart has a story to tell: hers. But it’s not just a story of tragedy and despair and the depths of human depravity. Rather, it is hope when things seem hopeless, strength and resilience in the face of overwhelming odds, and the knowledge that no matter what, God is always with us.

The now-25-year-old became a household name in the summer of 2002 when she was kidnapped from her affluent home in Salt Lake City, Utah, at the age of 14. For 9 months, her parents, family and community prayed, searched and clung to the hope that she would be found safe and alive. Her family—members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, sometimes inadvertently called the Mormon Church—worked hard to ensure that Elizabeth’s name and picture were not forgotten in the hopes that someone, somewhere would recognize her and bring her home. And through their faith, prayers and dedication, miracles happened. Elizabeth was brought home.

In the ensuing decade, Elizabeth Smart has refused to look back at her traumatic ordeal—only looking forward. She wants to show the world—and other victims—that you can move past your circumstances and find happiness. You do not need to be defined by your tragedy—but by the stronger person you become afterward. Elizabeth’s memoir, “My Story,” was released Oct. 7 in hopes that it might help others move forward after tragedy—and know that God will never abandon us in our darkest hours.

Elizabeth is Telling ‘My Story’

The Elizabeth Smart story is every parent’s worst nightmare—putting your child safely in her bed for the night and waking up to find her gone. But her rescue also brought hope to other families with missing children. In the days, months and years following Elizabeth’s return home, the Smart family asked that the public respect her privacy and allow her time to heal. She became a motivational speaker and advocate for change related to child abduction, but she held tight to the private, horrific details of her days in captivity. Now, 10 years later, Elizabeth is ready to tell her story in intimate detail—100% of what happened to her. She said:

I didn’t just want to go 10% and sugarcoat the rest. I wanted it to be really what happened and what it was like every single day I was there, because I don’t think I’m doing anyone any favors by sugarcoating it. [1]

Why now, so many years later, is she opening up? She said that people don’t often acknowledge the “just staggering” number of children who are sexually abused before the age of 18—one in 4 girls and one in 6 boys. She said:

I want to reach out to those survivors and those victims. I want them to know that these things do happen, but that doesn’t mean that we have to be defined by it for the rest of your life. You can move forward and you can be happy. [1]

Elizabeth’s advice to other victims speaks volumes as to the reasons that she waited to write a book. She said:

To have so many people speculate on what happened and what I must be going through, and just so many lies being told. It was hard. I didn’t like it. I don’t think anybody likes having people guess at what they’re going through. Privacy is so sacred and any time a victim is returned, a survivor is found and rescued, privacy is one of the greatest gifts we can give them because if they decide to share, that’s up to them and they will come forward. [2]

So Elizabeth is coming forward with her story, in her own time, and in her own way.

Faith in the Face of Fearsome Foes

Elizabeth Smart’s terrifying ordeal began on June 5, 2002, when she was taken at knifepoint from her bedroom by a bearded transient street preacher named Brian David Mitchell. She said:

To me, in my bedroom is the ultimate place in safety. I mean, I felt like that was the safest place in the world for me, so waking up in the middle of the night in my own bedroom having this strange man standing over me, someone I didn’t recognize, not only that but having a knife being held to my throat, I was terrified. I had grown up in a very happy home and I really didn’t know what the definition of fear was until that moment. That brought whole new meaning. [1]

As the street preacher, who called himself “Emmanuel,” led her out of her house and up the steep mountain trail above her home, Elizabeth said she prayed for a way to escape. She said, “All I could think was, if he could part the Red Sea for Moses, He can part some of the scrub oak for me and I can escape…[But it] didn’t happen.” [3]

Instead, she was held captive and endured unspeakable abuse at the hands of her two captors—the street preacher and his wife, Wanda Barzee. Mitchell forced her to act as his second wife, telling her that God told him to do this to her. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ, Elizabeth was taught differently. She said:

When I was kidnapped and he was telling me all of these things, I remember what my parents said: “You’ll know a person by their actions.” And so even though he was sitting there telling me that he was a prophet, that I should be thankful for what was happening to me, I was really a lucky girl—I realized that he wasn’t a good person. He was hurting me. He made me feel terrible. And growing up believing that I have a kind and loving Heavenly Father, I couldn’t believe that God had called him to do what he was doing to me. [4]

Throughout her ordeal, Elizabeth never lost faith in God nor in His goodness. She held tightly to her parents’ teachings and remembered the words of her mother: “I may not always love your choices…but I will always love you, and I will always be your mother, and nothing can ever change that.” [3] Elizabeth said she knew one thing: “My family was still there. And because of that, because I had that and because I knew that, I was able to make the decision to do whatever it took.” [5] No matter what it took, Elizabeth was going to find a way to get home to her family.

Ice-Cold Water and Other Tender Mercies from God

Elizabeth said that although “God won’t make the evil go away,” He will visit us in our afflictions. [6] She recounted one experience when the camp’s water supply ran out and she became severely dehydrated. One morning, Elizabeth said, she woke up to an ice-cold cup of water. She said she never knew where the water came from—but she knew that it was a gift from God. She said:

I could just feel the cold water running down inside of me and just how grateful I was for it. And just feeling like it was God telling me that I wasn’t forgotten, that He still knew I was there. And that He wasn’t abandoning me. [5]

Elizabeth also described how she prayed nightly for shoes, and then found a perfect-fitting pair under a bush. Other blessings include a rainstorm when her throat burned with thirst and a Thanksgiving or Christmas meal prepared by volunteers. She also said that she could feel the presence of her late grandfather. Elizabeth writes that those “tender mercies literally kept me alive.” Elizabeth says that she “never felt closer to God than I did throughout my nightmare with Mitchell.” [6]

What-Ifs and Missed Rescues— Don’t Second-Guess What Might Have Been

The armchair quarterbacks who speculate on what she and others could have or should have done need to know one thing, Elizabeth said:

You can never judge a child or a victim of any crime on what they should have done, because you weren’t there and you don’t know and you have no right just to sit in your armchair at home and say “Well, why didn’t you escape? Why didn’t you do this?” I mean, they just don’t know. That’s wrong. And I was 14. I was a little girl. And I had seen this man successfully kidnap me, he successfully chained me up, he successfully raped me, he successfully did all of these things. What was to say that he wouldn’t kill me when he’d make those threats to me? What was to say that he wouldn’t kill my family? [1]

And Elizabeth had heartbreakingly close near-rescues throughout her 9-month ordeal. There was the time that she heard her uncle calling for her. The time that the helicopter was just above them—so close that the trees were bending from the blades—but never saw the hidden campsite. The Salt Lake police detective who saw them at the public library—but never lifted the veil that covered her face because Mitchell said it would violate her religious beliefs. Of that incident, she said:

When he turned around and walked away, being 100% convinced that it wasn’t me, I mean, it felt like I was being kidnapped all over again. I mean, it felt like I was being stolen from my family again and being ripped away from my life and my happiness. [2]

And there were others, but ultimately, Elizabeth herself outwitted Mitchell at his own game.

Elizabeth Manipulates the ‘Master Manipulator’

After the close call with the Salt Lake police detective, Mitchell and his wife took Elizabeth to Southern California—where she encountered a few more near rescues. Although only a 15-year-old, self-described naïve child, Elizabeth soon realized that her best chance of escape lie in Salt Lake. She said that Mitchell started talking about going the East Coast—New York or Boston. But, she said her thinking was:

We have to get back to Salt Lake. There’s no way anyone was going to find me if I don’t. But there’s every reason for them not to want to go back to Salt Lake, every reason in the world for that to be the last place for them to ever go. [2]

Elizabeth said that she knew her captors wielded religion as a tool for manipulating others—and that it was wrong. But she prayed that if just once, God would let this idea work—she would never ever do it again. She knew the only way Mitchell would take them to Salt Lake was if he thought the idea was his. [3] She said:

I remember turning around and facing my captors and just telling them, “I just have this feeling and I know that God would never speak to me, but I know he’ll speak to you because you’re his servant. You’re practically his best friend. Could you please ask him if we’re supposed to go back to Salt Lake, because this feeling, it just won’t leave me and, this is just crazy coming from me, but if you ask him I know he’ll tell you.” And so he did end up asking. And that was how it was decided we’d go back to Salt Lake. [2]

‘Are You Elizabeth Smart?’

Soon after the trio’s return to Salt Lake City—on March 12, 2003—they were walking down State Street in the nearby suburb of Sandy. They had just been in Walmart, where Mitchell shoplifted hiking shoes and other items. Elizabeth said:

I remembered all these cars pulled up and then the policemen jumped out of their cars and they came over and surrounded us and started asking questions. And my two captors, they kept giving the answers and the officers started to ask me questions. [2]

Initially, Elizabeth gave the officers the back story that Mitchell had prepared for her. She said, “I was scared. I was petrified.” [2] Elizabeth writes in her book:

“She’s scared,” one of the other officers whispered from the back. “She doesn’t dare say anything.”

The officers huddled together, a couple of them keeping their eyes on Mitchell and me. Barzee seemed to have melted into the background. It was as if no one cared that she was even there.

“She’s scared of him,” the officer said to the others. “She’s too scared to even answer. You’ve got to get her by herself.” [7]

So the officers separated her from her captors. Elizabeth said:

At first, I was still really scared. I kept giving the answers that I had been told to give, and then finally one of the officers said, “Well, if you’re Elizabeth Smart, your family misses you so much and they love you so much and they have never given up hope on you the entire nine months you’re gone. Don’t you want to go back home to your family?” And it was just at that point that I felt like, well, no matter what the consequences are, I don’t care, I want to go home. [2]

Then, she said:

I told them that I was Elizabeth Smart. It was scary because I didn’t know if they thought I had done something wrong or if they had thought I had run away. I didn’t know what they were thinking. [2]

The officers took Elizabeth to a Salt Lake City police station and put her in a room by herself.

Not long after that, the door flew open and her dad ran in. Elizabeth said:

I knew in that moment that nobody would ever be able to hurt me again in the way my captors had. No matter what lay in front of me, it was going to be okay, because my dad was there. [3]

Hope and Healing After Tragedy

The trauma of Elizabeth’s captivity sets the stage for the miracles that happened after her rescue. Not long after Elizabeth returned home, her mom gave her the best advice she ever received:

My mom said, “Elizabeth, what this man has done to you is terrible, and there aren’t words to describe how wicked and evil he is…but the best punishment you could ever give him is to be happy. Move forward and follow your dreams and do exactly what you want to do. You may never feel like justice has been served, but you don’t need to worry about that because in the end, God is our ultimate judge, and He will make up every pain and every suffering that you’ve gone through. Those who don’t receive their just reward here will certainly receive it in the next life, so you don’t have a reason to hold on to that. If you relive it, you’re only allowing him to steal more of your life away from you.”

That’s the best piece of advice I’ve ever been given, and I have tried to live it every single day. We always have a choice to move forward, to make a difference. I like to think that we’re not defined by what happens to us…because so many times they’re beyond our control. I like to think that we’re defined by our choices and our decisions. [3]

Elizabeth said:

Healing takes a lot of different forms, and it’s different for everybody. There’s not a wrong way, there’s not a right way. And for me, I’ve had a lot of different therapies. [8]

For Elizabeth, who plays the harp, her therapy included music as well as riding horses, her family and her faith. [8]

Life is So Good: Elizabeth is Choosing Her Happily Ever After

Elizabeth Smart took her mother’s advice to heart—and has lived it to the best of her ability. She served a proselytizing mission for The Church of Jesus Christ. She got married last year. And her book is expected to be a best seller. She said:

It couldn’t get better than that, right? I’ve got great dogs. I’ve got a great family. I mean, I couldn’t be happier. …That happened to me. But I’m so much more than that girl that was kidnapped. [2]

Chris Stewart—with whom Elizabeth wrote her memoir, which was published by St. Martin’s Press—said:

She is one of the most compelling people I have ever met in the sense that she absolutely refuses to view herself as a victim who is going to let this unbelievable experience define her ability to be happy for the rest of her life. It’s inspiring. I think one of the main reasons she wanted to write this book was to show people that. …

Some people have challenges that the rest of us look at and wonder how they endure, and yet Elizabeth will tell you that life is always good, that there is always hope that life will get better, and we decide whether we are happy or not. [9]

Elizabeth’s captors are in prison for their crimes, and she has moved on with her life. She is working as an advocate on children’s issues, using her experience to help others. She said:

I have let go of the past. I have let go of what they have done to me. And I’ve let go of them. They no longer have a part in my life, and I have no desire to see them. I have just moved on….

Although I never asked to be kidnapped or for something like that to happen to me, I can find that goodness can still come out of it, and that I can be grateful for the opportunities that it’s opened up to me that otherwise wouldn’t have been. [4]